I hurriedly walked down the busy Minneapolis Airport halls to Terminal 1, Gate F11, which was scheduled to depart to Duluth in the next thirty minutes. It was early evening at this point, and I was anxious to get back home. A lump stuck in the back of my throat from the events preceding my arrival at the airport that day. I looked up at the large screens showing the current flights, searching for my own. “Delayed. Estimated time of departure: Four hours”. That was just my luck. From an already terrible early end to what was supposed to be a great vacation away from home turned into a straight up nightmare. It was like life wasn’t letting me find a way out just yet. So, I found my gate, got comfy on a chair, and called my parents. They were surprised to hear from me, as they expected me to be having too much fun in South Dakota with my friend May. They were even more shocked when I told them what happened during the three days I was with her.

May was everything I was not. She was charismatic and fun, physically fit with tanned skin, traveled all the time, and was a model. I, on the other hand, was shy and introverted, overweight, too broke to travel, and was most certainly not a model. Of course, I was jealous of her. I look back now and think that I only wanted to be around her in hopes that some of her success in life would rub off on me. She invited me to spend my birthday week with her in her hometown in South Dakota where she was participating in one of the biggest events in the state, the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. She told me it would be fun, so I went online and booked a round trip ticket to Rapid City. 

From the moment I arrived I knew something was wrong. The Rally had already been going on for close to a week and it was the final two days. May’s patience seemed short, and her temper shorter. Any time I told her I was hungry; she would look at me up and down and sigh. My food options were slim as there were only a few food vendors selling greasy food. I felt guilty eating in front of her; She would side-eye me with every bite I took of my food, like I didn’t need to be eating it. She also made small remarks about my recent weight gain throughout the two days at Sturgis.  

The first day back at her home after the Rally was over, she promised me that it would be a low-key relaxing day. After she showered, she walked in the room wearing a fancy dress, and I laughed and asked her why she was all dressed up. She told me that she needed to go to a Sturgis dinner party that evening, and I was not invited. That morning, I had not eaten anything. Between feeling like I was being judged by May with whatever I put in my mouth, to her not offering me any food and her living off protein shakes, I had only eaten equal to one full meal during the two days at the Rally. 

What was meant to be just “dinner” for May ended up being an eight-hour excuse to be away from me. She left me to sit in her room with no air-conditioning, on her bed scrolling on my phone until I got too hungry and too hot to stand it. I messaged her two hours in asking when she would be home and she responded with, “A while.”. When I asked her about what I would eat, her solution was to “walk to the nearest grocery store, it will be good for you.”. That message hit me like a ton of bricks in the chest. All the little digs at my weight the past few days were confirmed by this text. What she was asking of me was not just a leisurely stroll to the smalltown grocery store down the street, but a game of Frogger across a busy freeway and an eight mile walk to the store in the stifling South Dakota summer heat.  

Not only did I make this trek to get food, but I packed up all my clothes and walked to a hotel. By this time, it was dark out. I still hadn’t heard from May, and I understood what her absence meant; We were not friends. I spent the night sobbing and arranged a new airline ticket home. 

The next day, I walked back to her place to find out what kept her so long, believing it was a misunderstanding and that she didn’t mean to leave me alone the entire night. My fears were confirmed when she refused to apologize and firmly believed she did nothing wrong, and that she was just out with her Sturgis friends barhopping. I told her I had to go home, and she drove me to the Rapid City Airport where I said goodbye to her and never spoke to her again.  

For the next few months, I fell into a deep depression, drowning myself in alcohol every night, and hating myself and blaming myself for not being good enough for my “best friend.” May never reached out even once during that time, not even to ask me if I landed ok after I got back from South Dakota. 

I woke up early one morning from a foggy dream, the taste of alcohol from the night before still in my mouth and a sour stomach. I was a mess. I needed to dig myself out of the depression “hole” I was stuck in; I was tired of hating myself because of what May thought of me, and I knew I was worth more than her opinion. So, I climbed out of bed and planned to start eating healthier, quit relying on alcohol, and walk on my treadmill every day.  

After eight months of calorie counting and exercise feats, I lost close to fifty pounds. I took all the anger and resentment I had for May’s treatment of me and used it to build myself back up. But in the end, my success wasn’t just my incredible weight-loss, it was also about finding self-confidence and realizing that I am worth more than just a number on a scale. I also learned that anyone who makes you feel unworthy of love and respect is no friend at all.